I was in Delhi for the weekend and this was the scene in the Rajiv Chowk metro terminal. And you thought this was possible only in a Mumbai local station? But then, the Delhi Metro has AC :-)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Life In A Metro
I was in Delhi for the weekend and this was the scene in the Rajiv Chowk metro terminal. And you thought this was possible only in a Mumbai local station? But then, the Delhi Metro has AC :-)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Its All About The Size Honey..
It is a widely observed phenomenon that size play a 'huge' (pun intended) role in our social lives and self image. Men are measured (again intended) according to the size of their cars, paychecks, property, height and of course their manhood while women pride themselves in owing the bigger bling, greater number of offspring, more voluptuous boobs and of course a man with all the correct 'bigness's'.
Strangely enough, the co-relation of size to self worth goes beyond the personal and can be seen even in the collective sense of a nation or group. A smaller group, nation or company will always aspire to surpass the bigger one, be it in terms of economic or military prowess and it is usually the smaller one that will be more focused and in a lot of cases more successful, in its plans. Call it aspiration or the constant need to prove their worth, but history is proof that smaller groups and nations have always been the more successful aggressor contrary to popular notions of big countries with huge armies (one look at the USA in Vietnam and the Middle East says it all). Lets take a quick look at some case studies of 'Small Nation = Big Fight' in a chronological order.
One of the greatest general and war tactician the world has ever known, little Alexie grew up in the small Greek city state of Macedon with an ambition to bring the world to kneel before him. Considering the fact that he was short and stocky (unlike Colin Farrel in the movie Alexander, where Angelia Jolie played his mom!!!), it must have rather difficult to bend down that low. In his prime, Alexie defeated the Persians in battle, marched through Syria, Egypt, Mesopotamia, Persia, , Bactria (not the micro-organism) and into India. An overdose of tantric sex and the earliest recorded case of the Delhi Belly syndrome forced Alexie to cancel his further travel plans and head back home. OK, I am guessing on that part but the fact remains that our man came from a little Greek city state and went on to bitch slap the entire world. First case of the smaller you are the more motivated you are.
Another hard ass city state. Rome's history as a city spans over two and a half thousand years, as one of the founding and most powerful cities of Western Civilization. It was the center of the Roman Empire, which dominated Europe, North Africa and the Middle East for over four hundred years from the 1st Century BC until the 4th Century AD, and during the Ancient Roman era, the city was the most powerful in Europe. At one point of time, it was said that 'All roads lead to Rome', such was the city's significance. Considering the amount of cultural, religious and military influence Rome had over the known world during that time period, it is nothing short of phenomenal considering the size of that place in comparison to the entire Roman empire! They also had a huge rock arena called the Colosseum where gladiators would perform before a packed house and the earliest recorded version of Survivor: Rome would be played out, usually featuring a Christian and a lion
The British Empire comprised of territories ruled by the United Kingdom (primarily England), that had originated with the overseas colonies and trading posts established by England in the late 16th and early 17th centuries. At its height it was the largest empire in history and, for over a century, was the foremost global power. By 1922, the British Empire held sway over a population of about 458 million people, one-quarter of the world's population, and covered more than 13,000,000 square miles (33,670,000 km2): approximately a quarter of the Earth's total land area. At the peak of its power, it was often said that "the sun never sets on the British Empire" because its span across the globe ensured that the sun was always shining on at least one of its numerous territories. And the most impressive fact remains that all this was achieved by the small island of England with the size of roughly 131,000 Square km which is less than 1% of the entire empire! Talk of disproportionate gains. The good thing about the whole exercise was that it introduced to the world the delightful pleasures of fish and chips along with the hilarious British accent.
This is a self-explanatory title and I don't need to go into the details. Suffice to put up a picture which shows German occupied territory during the Third Reich. Again a classic case of a small sized nation going on to take over the world (well.. almost). Hey at least they gave us Oktoberfest!
Japan has one of the bloodiest histories in the world and despite being just about 378,000 sq. kms, it always had dreams of world domination. Ask any Chinese or Korean about Japan and they can give you some very graphic history lessons. Japan's modern military and territory expansion started in the early 1900s and continued well into World War II when they had advanced well into Chinese Manchuria and other parts of Asia. They even had the balls to not only attempt but pull off Pearl Harbor. In fact, they had to use not 1 but 2 frigging A-bombs to finally make them surrender. Other than all the tech goodies, Japan has given the world some pretty crazy and weird stuff. More on that later.
Finally, the baddest-ass of them all. If there was an example of the biggest single hit wonder from any country, it has to be the Great Khan from the otherwise-relatively-unknown Mongolia. If it were not for him, you would not have even heard of Mongolia. At 1,564,116 square kilometres, Mongolia is the nineteenth largest and the most sparsely populated independent country in the world, with a population of around 2.9 million people. It is also the world's second-largest landlocked country after Kazakhstan. The country contains very little arable land, as much of its area is covered by steppes, with mountains to the north and west and the Gobi Desert to the south. Approximately 30% of the population are nomadic or semi-nomadic. And out of this god-forsaken place you have one person who not only united the entire Mongolian population (think of the logistical challenges!), terrorized the entire world and also populated pretty much half of the world's population. Yes, you heard it right. One in every 200 men alive today is a relative of Genghis Khan. An international team of geneticists has made the astonishing discovery that more than 16 million men in central Asia have the same male Y chromosome as the great Mongol leader.
It is a striking finding: a huge chunk of modern humanity can trace its origins to Khan's vigorous policy of claiming the most beautiful women captured during his merciless conquest.
'One thirteenth century Persian historian claimed that within a century of Khan's birth, his enthusiastic mating habits had created a lineage of more than 20,000 individuals,' said team leader Dr Chris Tyler-Smith. 'That now appears to account for around 8% of the men in central Asia.' (BTW I am a confirmed recipient of his genes, the non-violent parts of it at least)
Talk about fringe benefits of being an dreaded invader!
Couple of honorable mentions would be Israel fighting religiously with the entire Middle East to claim the exclusive rights to hummus and the Scandinavian Vikings who were single-handedly responsible for the slump in European beach front properties during the Great Realty Depression lasting from 790 AD to 1066 AD. If I have missed out on any, please feel free to post it.
Size not only drives you to be great in the battlefield, it also makes great performers in bed. Just look at the Chinese, the biggest population in the world. They are not exactly known for their generous manhood but that didn't stop them from filling 1/5th of the world's entire human population. So the next time you see a shorter or 'smaller' man, don't laugh at him 'coz he might be doing your wife / girlfriend or both at the same time ;-).
Strangely enough, the co-relation of size to self worth goes beyond the personal and can be seen even in the collective sense of a nation or group. A smaller group, nation or company will always aspire to surpass the bigger one, be it in terms of economic or military prowess and it is usually the smaller one that will be more focused and in a lot of cases more successful, in its plans. Call it aspiration or the constant need to prove their worth, but history is proof that smaller groups and nations have always been the more successful aggressor contrary to popular notions of big countries with huge armies (one look at the USA in Vietnam and the Middle East says it all). Lets take a quick look at some case studies of 'Small Nation = Big Fight' in a chronological order.
Greece under Alexander III of Macedon (356–323 BC)
One of the greatest general and war tactician the world has ever known, little Alexie grew up in the small Greek city state of Macedon with an ambition to bring the world to kneel before him. Considering the fact that he was short and stocky (unlike Colin Farrel in the movie Alexander, where Angelia Jolie played his mom!!!), it must have rather difficult to bend down that low. In his prime, Alexie defeated the Persians in battle, marched through Syria, Egypt, Mesopotamia, Persia, , Bactria (not the micro-organism) and into India. An overdose of tantric sex and the earliest recorded case of the Delhi Belly syndrome forced Alexie to cancel his further travel plans and head back home. OK, I am guessing on that part but the fact remains that our man came from a little Greek city state and went on to bitch slap the entire world. First case of the smaller you are the more motivated you are.Rome (1st century BC - 4th century AD)
Another hard ass city state. Rome's history as a city spans over two and a half thousand years, as one of the founding and most powerful cities of Western Civilization. It was the center of the Roman Empire, which dominated Europe, North Africa and the Middle East for over four hundred years from the 1st Century BC until the 4th Century AD, and during the Ancient Roman era, the city was the most powerful in Europe. At one point of time, it was said that 'All roads lead to Rome', such was the city's significance. Considering the amount of cultural, religious and military influence Rome had over the known world during that time period, it is nothing short of phenomenal considering the size of that place in comparison to the entire Roman empire! They also had a huge rock arena called the Colosseum where gladiators would perform before a packed house and the earliest recorded version of Survivor: Rome would be played out, usually featuring a Christian and a lionEngland (during the British Empire days)
The British Empire comprised of territories ruled by the United Kingdom (primarily England), that had originated with the overseas colonies and trading posts established by England in the late 16th and early 17th centuries. At its height it was the largest empire in history and, for over a century, was the foremost global power. By 1922, the British Empire held sway over a population of about 458 million people, one-quarter of the world's population, and covered more than 13,000,000 square miles (33,670,000 km2): approximately a quarter of the Earth's total land area. At the peak of its power, it was often said that "the sun never sets on the British Empire" because its span across the globe ensured that the sun was always shining on at least one of its numerous territories. And the most impressive fact remains that all this was achieved by the small island of England with the size of roughly 131,000 Square km which is less than 1% of the entire empire! Talk of disproportionate gains. The good thing about the whole exercise was that it introduced to the world the delightful pleasures of fish and chips along with the hilarious British accent. Germany (World War II )
This is a self-explanatory title and I don't need to go into the details. Suffice to put up a picture which shows German occupied territory during the Third Reich. Again a classic case of a small sized nation going on to take over the world (well.. almost). Hey at least they gave us Oktoberfest!Japan (Early 1900s - Mid 1940s)
Japan has one of the bloodiest histories in the world and despite being just about 378,000 sq. kms, it always had dreams of world domination. Ask any Chinese or Korean about Japan and they can give you some very graphic history lessons. Japan's modern military and territory expansion started in the early 1900s and continued well into World War II when they had advanced well into Chinese Manchuria and other parts of Asia. They even had the balls to not only attempt but pull off Pearl Harbor. In fact, they had to use not 1 but 2 frigging A-bombs to finally make them surrender. Other than all the tech goodies, Japan has given the world some pretty crazy and weird stuff. More on that later.Mongolia under Ghengis Khan (1206–1227)
Finally, the baddest-ass of them all. If there was an example of the biggest single hit wonder from any country, it has to be the Great Khan from the otherwise-relatively-unknown Mongolia. If it were not for him, you would not have even heard of Mongolia. At 1,564,116 square kilometres, Mongolia is the nineteenth largest and the most sparsely populated independent country in the world, with a population of around 2.9 million people. It is also the world's second-largest landlocked country after Kazakhstan. The country contains very little arable land, as much of its area is covered by steppes, with mountains to the north and west and the Gobi Desert to the south. Approximately 30% of the population are nomadic or semi-nomadic. And out of this god-forsaken place you have one person who not only united the entire Mongolian population (think of the logistical challenges!), terrorized the entire world and also populated pretty much half of the world's population. Yes, you heard it right. One in every 200 men alive today is a relative of Genghis Khan. An international team of geneticists has made the astonishing discovery that more than 16 million men in central Asia have the same male Y chromosome as the great Mongol leader.It is a striking finding: a huge chunk of modern humanity can trace its origins to Khan's vigorous policy of claiming the most beautiful women captured during his merciless conquest.
'One thirteenth century Persian historian claimed that within a century of Khan's birth, his enthusiastic mating habits had created a lineage of more than 20,000 individuals,' said team leader Dr Chris Tyler-Smith. 'That now appears to account for around 8% of the men in central Asia.' (BTW I am a confirmed recipient of his genes, the non-violent parts of it at least)
Talk about fringe benefits of being an dreaded invader!
Couple of honorable mentions would be Israel fighting religiously with the entire Middle East to claim the exclusive rights to hummus and the Scandinavian Vikings who were single-handedly responsible for the slump in European beach front properties during the Great Realty Depression lasting from 790 AD to 1066 AD. If I have missed out on any, please feel free to post it.
Size not only drives you to be great in the battlefield, it also makes great performers in bed. Just look at the Chinese, the biggest population in the world. They are not exactly known for their generous manhood but that didn't stop them from filling 1/5th of the world's entire human population. So the next time you see a shorter or 'smaller' man, don't laugh at him 'coz he might be doing your wife / girlfriend or both at the same time ;-).
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
How To Get Your Girlfriend Into Gaming - Part Deux
Couple of years ago, I had written an article on how you can get your girlfriend to game with you. Much water has flown under the bridge since but gaming still is not very popular with the ladies despite all our begging, pleading and threats.
A gaming console maker from Brazil seems to have come out with a different strategy. They spent millions of $ to understand what really pleases a woman and they think they finally have an answer. In a very subtle way, they have been enticing women to buy their gaming console since their launch in June this year.
Ladies please welcome the Zeebo into your bedrooms.. err.. I mean living rooms..
And if you are wondering what this is all about.. take a closer look at the packaging. If you still don't get it, check out the picture below to figure out how they have been using subconscious marketing to women and their 'needs'..
A gaming console maker from Brazil seems to have come out with a different strategy. They spent millions of $ to understand what really pleases a woman and they think they finally have an answer. In a very subtle way, they have been enticing women to buy their gaming console since their launch in June this year.
Ladies please welcome the Zeebo into your bedrooms.. err.. I mean living rooms..
And if you are wondering what this is all about.. take a closer look at the packaging. If you still don't get it, check out the picture below to figure out how they have been using subconscious marketing to women and their 'needs'..
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
ShareKhan on the prowl?
Is it just me or are you also disturbed by the above advertisement?
The ad in question is the latest online banner ad for Sharekhan.com for their online stock brokerage / trading services. The disturbing fact is the look on the so-called "market expert" trying to put poor Karan's fears to rest.
If I were Karan and somebody like that comes along, I would genuinely be even more scared of investing into the stock market. Check out the facial expression on that guy. He looks a 100% guaranteed creep who is only interested in my money! And those glasses do nothing to hide that slyness in his eyes.
Whoever approved that ad in Sharekhan obviously hasn't heard of the nuances of emotions and expressions in advertisements. They got Karan's expressions correct though!
I will be staying away from Sharekhan.com
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
My 5 Most Challenging Problems Ever (..and their answers??)
There are questions and there are Questions.. I am sure you must have also been in a situation where you just stood back and wondered at a problem so interesting and challenging that it has the potential to change the course of nothing less than the Universe!
My problems however are more ordinary. So without further ado, lets hit the road..
#5. Dressed Chickens
Please correct me if I am wrong, but as per my understanding, the act of covering your naked body with a garment or otherwise is called "Dressing" and the act of taking off that very outer wear is called "Undressing". Unfortunately, it is not so in case of our poultry friends
If you
go to a shop selling poultry and ask for a "Dressed Chicken", going by our definition above, you would expect a complete rooster in its full multi-colored plumage. But to your horror, you should expect to see something like the picture to your right. That's correct... in Poultrese, "Dressed" is equivalent to being "Undressed" of your fine feathers, your royal head with its proud crown being chopped off along with your dainty webbed feet.
"..but the memo said it was a formally 'dressed' board meeting"
#4. Is The Quality Of Home Food Going Down?
Countless homes all over the world have broken up for the simple reason that the wife can't cook as well as the mother-in-law. How many times have you witnessed your own father complaining "Mom used to cook the Butter Chicken so much better.." with your mother giving him a steely glare. And if you thought that your grandmother really cooked the best Butter Chicken in the world, you are sadly mistaken. What is scary is that your grandfather in a similar setting had said the same thing to her and your great-grandfather and everyone before that, to their respective spouses. Right back to Adam.
So does this mean that the standards of home food have been going down the ages? Possible.. but a more rationale explanation would be that your mother's cooking is soul food and will always taste better. Crap!! mom just cooks better. End of argument
Ohh.. and as for Adam, this comment ended his stay in Paradise. How? Try it on your wife. Your paradise will end.
"My wife make horrible food.. she killed by bear.. very nice.. I miss her cheese but"
#3. Why Do Dogs Pee On Car Tyres?
Dogs like to mark their territory by peeing on objects, trees, humans whatever... but when it comes to cars, they will always go for the tyres. This act is totally independent of the dog's breed, nationality or gender (however, males will lift their legs and females will hunch their rears). They could have gone for the car doors, hatch, grille or even the glass windows. But no! they will pee on the tyres. Why can't they pee on the areas which have been dirtied by bird poop? At least the liquid will clean away the poop. It is as if the birds and the dogs have an agreement on who gets to soil which parts of the car and share a secret laugh at you every time they poop or pee on your baby.
A smart friend has this theory that maybe because the tyres are the only part of the car which is in touch with the ground, dogs feel that they are the "roots" of the "object" and therefore is the ideal place to leave their mark.
4. Why Do Babies Pee When They Hear "Sssssss....hhhh"?
Babies have an insatiable need to feed and to poop. They come genetically pre-programmed to hunt down the nipples of the nearest human female and suck the life out of them literally. Also the ability to know exactly when its parents are sleeping so that it can destroy it, comes pre-programmed. But one thing that has not been studied perhaps in great detail is why do babies respond to the sound "Ssssss...hhh" by letting go of their bladders.
Again like dogs, this response goes beyond race, nationality or gender. A baby knows only one response to this sound.. Let it go baby!
Or I might be completely wrong and maybe it is the combination of the sound as well as the actions that are done to make the baby pee by its mother in the hope that it will not wet the bed in the night. But the babies are smart. They might let go a little when they hear the sound, but they save the best for the exact moment when their parents just enter deep sleep.
"Bringing you to the library was not a very good idea"
# 1. No Matter How Much / Hard You Shake, The Last Drop Always Wets Your Underwear
This might be strictly a male phenomenon, so if you ladies also experience the same, I would love to do more "research" on it
Guys, after they have pee-ed, shake their members to let loose the excess pee that might have accumulated on the foreskin or the last remnants of the original release by the bladder. Each guy has a different and distinctive style of executing this action but one fact that all of us have accepted as infallible is the rule "No matter... wets your underwear"
It is not that we haven't or don't try. I know guys who have gone to extremes to prove the rule wrong. They have spent countless hours researching the human anatomy for answers and solutions to this most unique problem that besiege the human male. They have tried various stirring and shaking methods, changed positions, experimented with frequency of the movements and have even stood still for hours hoping that it will dry up. But alas, when they thought they have finally won, that little drop comes out triumphantly and wets their underwear, almost as if someone up there is having a good laugh at the little joke he played in designing the human male urinary system!
"Sayz who?"
My problems however are more ordinary. So without further ado, lets hit the road..
#5. Dressed Chickens
Please correct me if I am wrong, but as per my understanding, the act of covering your naked body with a garment or otherwise is called "Dressing" and the act of taking off that very outer wear is called "Undressing". Unfortunately, it is not so in case of our poultry friends
If you
go to a shop selling poultry and ask for a "Dressed Chicken", going by our definition above, you would expect a complete rooster in its full multi-colored plumage. But to your horror, you should expect to see something like the picture to your right. That's correct... in Poultrese, "Dressed" is equivalent to being "Undressed" of your fine feathers, your royal head with its proud crown being chopped off along with your dainty webbed feet.
"..but the memo said it was a formally 'dressed' board meeting"#4. Is The Quality Of Home Food Going Down?
Countless homes all over the world have broken up for the simple reason that the wife can't cook as well as the mother-in-law. How many times have you witnessed your own father complaining "Mom used to cook the Butter Chicken so much better.." with your mother giving him a steely glare. And if you thought that your grandmother really cooked the best Butter Chicken in the world, you are sadly mistaken. What is scary is that your grandfather in a similar setting had said the same thing to her and your great-grandfather and everyone before that, to their respective spouses. Right back to Adam.
So does this mean that the standards of home food have been going down the ages? Possible.. but a more rationale explanation would be that your mother's cooking is soul food and will always taste better. Crap!! mom just cooks better. End of argument
Ohh.. and as for Adam, this comment ended his stay in Paradise. How? Try it on your wife. Your paradise will end.
"My wife make horrible food.. she killed by bear.. very nice.. I miss her cheese but"#3. Why Do Dogs Pee On Car Tyres?
Dogs like to mark their territory by peeing on objects, trees, humans whatever... but when it comes to cars, they will always go for the tyres. This act is totally independent of the dog's breed, nationality or gender (however, males will lift their legs and females will hunch their rears). They could have gone for the car doors, hatch, grille or even the glass windows. But no! they will pee on the tyres. Why can't they pee on the areas which have been dirtied by bird poop? At least the liquid will clean away the poop. It is as if the birds and the dogs have an agreement on who gets to soil which parts of the car and share a secret laugh at you every time they poop or pee on your baby.
A smart friend has this theory that maybe because the tyres are the only part of the car which is in touch with the ground, dogs feel that they are the "roots" of the "object" and therefore is the ideal place to leave their mark.
"Shez mine yo! All you dawgs stay off her.."
4. Why Do Babies Pee When They Hear "Sssssss....hhhh"?
Babies have an insatiable need to feed and to poop. They come genetically pre-programmed to hunt down the nipples of the nearest human female and suck the life out of them literally. Also the ability to know exactly when its parents are sleeping so that it can destroy it, comes pre-programmed. But one thing that has not been studied perhaps in great detail is why do babies respond to the sound "Ssssss...hhh" by letting go of their bladders.
Again like dogs, this response goes beyond race, nationality or gender. A baby knows only one response to this sound.. Let it go baby!
Or I might be completely wrong and maybe it is the combination of the sound as well as the actions that are done to make the baby pee by its mother in the hope that it will not wet the bed in the night. But the babies are smart. They might let go a little when they hear the sound, but they save the best for the exact moment when their parents just enter deep sleep.
"Bringing you to the library was not a very good idea"# 1. No Matter How Much / Hard You Shake, The Last Drop Always Wets Your Underwear
This might be strictly a male phenomenon, so if you ladies also experience the same, I would love to do more "research" on it
Guys, after they have pee-ed, shake their members to let loose the excess pee that might have accumulated on the foreskin or the last remnants of the original release by the bladder. Each guy has a different and distinctive style of executing this action but one fact that all of us have accepted as infallible is the rule "No matter... wets your underwear"
It is not that we haven't or don't try. I know guys who have gone to extremes to prove the rule wrong. They have spent countless hours researching the human anatomy for answers and solutions to this most unique problem that besiege the human male. They have tried various stirring and shaking methods, changed positions, experimented with frequency of the movements and have even stood still for hours hoping that it will dry up. But alas, when they thought they have finally won, that little drop comes out triumphantly and wets their underwear, almost as if someone up there is having a good laugh at the little joke he played in designing the human male urinary system!
"Sayz who?"Saturday, August 23, 2008
5 Applications I Want On The iPhone
OK... the iPhone 3G finally made its debut in India.
Every new product market launch from the Apple stable causes fanbois to line up and camp in front of the stores, days (sometimes weeks) ahead of the launch date, across the world. Surprisingly, in one of the biggest markets for mobile phones in the world (India dumbo!), the launch didn't create any such fanatic activity and the one guy, a small time actor, who actually made it to the store at midnight, had his 15 minutes of fame on national TV and press.
No point in writing a review about the iPhone as it has been done to death by everyone. What we will do instead is to talk about one feature of the iPhone which I found very innovative. It is the Application Store, where you just logon to, browse through the various applications (including third party ones!) and pick something which interests you. You can choose from mobile games, movie, music, karaoke and even finance applications.
Top 5 applications in my wishlist would be:
# 5. Honker Buster Ultimate
How many times have you felt like murdering the person driving the vehicle behind / next to you at traffic signals or jams. No matter how impossible it might be to move even an inch, he/she will honk as if you are respopnsible for the jam. And if you have experienced the highways in Mumbai, you will know what I mean. Don't worry, help is near with the new Honker Buster Ultimate application
The next time you are in such a situation, just run the Honk Buster application on your iPhone and point the phone to the offending vehicle. It will emit a powerful electro-magnetic pulse which will disable all electric circuits in the vehicle rendering it totally useless for 1 minute. In that 1 minute, he will see his entire life pass before his eyes and will realise how it feels like to be on the recieving end of all that honking
#4. Guess Who?
How many times have you met somebody somewhere and forgot completely about him after that meeting. Then one fine day, 5 years down, you see that someone come running to you with open arms and introduces you to his family and you have no idea who he was and you don't want to break the poor guy's heart by telling him that you don't remember him. This is when the Guess Who? application on your iPhone comes to the rescue
Everytime you meet a new person, just run the Guess Who? application and your iPhone will do an automatic scan of the person's facial features, biometrics and voice and store it in the phone memory archives along with the name and the conversation (kinda like gmail). The next time you are in a sticky situation, just run the application and click on "Search" option. Based on the subject's voice alone, it will give you the details about the subject and your history with him. No more awkward situations with the "Guess Who?" application.
#3. Universal RiMote Beta
One for all and All for one. There are a lot of universal remotes available but each of them has their own set of problems and the biggest challnge is that you are not carrying one when you actually need one. All will be history with the Universal RiMote application
This application is actually universal as it will sync your iPhone with all electronice devices (which can be conrolled remotely and irrespective of manufacturer) within a range of 15 feet and give you a list of controllable devices like a normal phone throws a list of bluetooth enabled devices around you. You pick your device and start using the controls remotely. No more fighting with your spouse for the TV
#2. Stun Da Gun
Ever been in a life threathening situation where you wish you had a stun gun? (I have been in a lot of dog dramas). This is when you should be able to covert your iPhone into a defensive weapon using the Stun Da Gun application
Like emergency numbers, the combination required to activate this application should be accessible even if the touchscreen is locked. Once activated, you just have to take aim and press the power (fire) button. It will release an electric pulse with enough voltage to stun an average human male for 10 seconds. So cool..
Since it can be used as a weapon, this application will be sold like one too
#1. Get Laid Suite
Tired of spending Saturday nights watching TV or surfing porn? Don't despair. Help is just an application away. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the ultimate in seduction technology guaranteed to ensure that you never sleep alone again, the newly updated Get Laid Suite now available at the Apple Application Store for just $2
What does it do? Lets take the scenario of you heading out to a hot spot on Saturday night and how this application helps you.
Featured highlights:
There you go. I hope I get to see these applications available soon. Which applications are you waiting for?
Every new product market launch from the Apple stable causes fanbois to line up and camp in front of the stores, days (sometimes weeks) ahead of the launch date, across the world. Surprisingly, in one of the biggest markets for mobile phones in the world (India dumbo!), the launch didn't create any such fanatic activity and the one guy, a small time actor, who actually made it to the store at midnight, had his 15 minutes of fame on national TV and press.
No point in writing a review about the iPhone as it has been done to death by everyone. What we will do instead is to talk about one feature of the iPhone which I found very innovative. It is the Application Store, where you just logon to, browse through the various applications (including third party ones!) and pick something which interests you. You can choose from mobile games, movie, music, karaoke and even finance applications.
Top 5 applications in my wishlist would be:
# 5. Honker Buster Ultimate
The next time you are in such a situation, just run the Honk Buster application on your iPhone and point the phone to the offending vehicle. It will emit a powerful electro-magnetic pulse which will disable all electric circuits in the vehicle rendering it totally useless for 1 minute. In that 1 minute, he will see his entire life pass before his eyes and will realise how it feels like to be on the recieving end of all that honking
#4. Guess Who?
How many times have you met somebody somewhere and forgot completely about him after that meeting. Then one fine day, 5 years down, you see that someone come running to you with open arms and introduces you to his family and you have no idea who he was and you don't want to break the poor guy's heart by telling him that you don't remember him. This is when the Guess Who? application on your iPhone comes to the rescue
Everytime you meet a new person, just run the Guess Who? application and your iPhone will do an automatic scan of the person's facial features, biometrics and voice and store it in the phone memory archives along with the name and the conversation (kinda like gmail). The next time you are in a sticky situation, just run the application and click on "Search" option. Based on the subject's voice alone, it will give you the details about the subject and your history with him. No more awkward situations with the "Guess Who?" application.
#3. Universal RiMote Beta
One for all and All for one. There are a lot of universal remotes available but each of them has their own set of problems and the biggest challnge is that you are not carrying one when you actually need one. All will be history with the Universal RiMote applicationThis application is actually universal as it will sync your iPhone with all electronice devices (which can be conrolled remotely and irrespective of manufacturer) within a range of 15 feet and give you a list of controllable devices like a normal phone throws a list of bluetooth enabled devices around you. You pick your device and start using the controls remotely. No more fighting with your spouse for the TV
#2. Stun Da Gun
Ever been in a life threathening situation where you wish you had a stun gun? (I have been in a lot of dog dramas). This is when you should be able to covert your iPhone into a defensive weapon using the Stun Da Gun applicationLike emergency numbers, the combination required to activate this application should be accessible even if the touchscreen is locked. Once activated, you just have to take aim and press the power (fire) button. It will release an electric pulse with enough voltage to stun an average human male for 10 seconds. So cool..
Since it can be used as a weapon, this application will be sold like one too
#1. Get Laid Suite
Tired of spending Saturday nights watching TV or surfing porn? Don't despair. Help is just an application away. Ladies and Gentlemen, presenting the ultimate in seduction technology guaranteed to ensure that you never sleep alone again, the newly updated Get Laid Suite now available at the Apple Application Store for just $2
What does it do? Lets take the scenario of you heading out to a hot spot on Saturday night and how this application helps you.
Featured highlights:
- Scans the number of incoming / outgoing calls from a nightspot, checks with the service provider for the percentage of female listed numbers and gives you the demographic statistics. Example: ClubX has 112 active users in the past 30 minutes. 67 active female listed numbers
- When inside the club, you hover your iPhone over a female and it gives you the following information: Biological age, height, bust size and if they are real, most likely profession and the likely number of drinks you will have to buy her to get into her panties (costing will be based on the club's rates)
- Wingman 1.0 feature gets turned on if lady is with another guy. The other guy suddenly gets a text from his mother asking him to come quickly for an emergency. Most appropriate line to kick start the conversation is displayed
- During the conversation, based on keywords, information and trivia are prompted regularly to make you sound knowledgeable and intelligent. Also eliminates the requirement of you having to listen to her attentively (well.. very attentively at least :-P)
- After both of you have warmed up enough and its time to take her home, Dial-A-Ride application ensures that a cab is waiting for you outside the club door with your address already texted to the driver's phone
- Forgot to check if you have condoms back at your pad? Fear not, for Doc Con 1.1 application has already cheked the medicine stores open at that time around your are and a pack of your preferred brand is on its way
- Erogenous Zone Detector application then scans the female and based on the nerve distribution data analysis determines the 5 most erogenous zones for you
- OrgasmO application ensures that she climaxes at least 5 times during the act
There you go. I hope I get to see these applications available soon. Which applications are you waiting for?
Friday, August 22, 2008
Love Shove And All That Bullshit...
.. Or alternatively, Shove All That Love Up Your...
(A guest post)
When you sum it all up, Indian men have two psychological complexes which are complemented by the female of the Indian species equally well. But me being me, a prominent sexist and popularly titled MCP, I shall show you everything only from the male side of things, you do the substitution. For instance, when the man is doing his hero thing, the woman is doing her daddy thing.
1. The Hero complex
2. The Oedipus complex
If you look closely most Indian men at the beginning of courtship are always trying to save the woman. They're always like, "Are you in trouble? What happened? This That, come let me help you cross the road, go against your father's will, he's not the father of your life... more this and more that!" The man is known to go to the extent of trying to convince the woman she's in trouble only to save her. Yes of course, there are times when this backfires but the corollaries are not important to the theory.
And then
they put on a cape and fly down (which they can't) so they tarzan swing down to help.Post initial courtship phase: The hero phase causes sudden exhaustion of all the adrenaline they've gathered over a dry spell. They suddenly realise that their knees are weak and they need mumma back! But then of course they have to maintain hero image in front of girl, so they end up treating girl like mumma!
Just like the phases of grief, one doesn't always go through all the phases of courtship. Sometimes the
y tend to skip one or the other phase depending on how well the woman has adapted. Sometimes one phase lasts much longer than the other. Sometimes both of them together last as long as a lifetime. Sometimes women enter the man's life as second mummas only. Sometimes the men keep saving the woman forever and the woman keeps getting into trouble purposely to keep their attention.Anyways, the point being once they run out of stories which dont fall into either of the above phases, there starts a conflict of interest. During this phase of conflict, the couple --
A. Either they really fall in love
OR
B. Starts cheating on each other/breaks up.
The third and most popular option is addiction. This where the post-courtship phase begins in case they don't fall in love, they get addicted to whatever hell one is putting the other through OR both are putting each other through. Even fear is a hormone one can get addicted to. Unlike A and B, the third option is not exclusive, it may come with packets of A and B as well.
Falling in love is very rare and tough because that would mean they'd have to accept how stupid they were during courtship. Heroes and Sons don't accept they're stupid. A damsel-not-in-distress and a mother will NEVER EVER accept that either.
So the ultimate question in all these relationships is: Once the drama dies, who will save them? Is this lack of drama another universal name for relationship? Some questions unfortunately can't be answered by mankind. Though one can always derive immense pleasure from this all when one is a third person viewer. If you're a first person experiencing it all, then the sex better be good and worth it.Thus ends a lecture on Male-Female Non-Platonic Interactions. Thank you, don't come again...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
