Friday, September 21, 2007

Wear Clean Underwear @ Mondays

So lads and laddies, it is that time of the week again when Mundane Mondays follow Sizzling Sundays and you can't do anything about it. You spend the entire weekend partying and chilling out and the rude reality of your work/study targets strikes you the moment the alarm bell wakes you up on Monday. At that precise moment, your very existence seem pitiful and you want to go back to the comforts of your mother's womb. But since life must go on, you are best advised to go about it without much complaints. However, if you are still complaining I will give you some other worries to take your mind off your work/study assignments. They won't cure you of your Monday morning blues and might even make it worse but at least it is comforting to know that there are bigger problems in life than just your work load.

So think you can handle some more worrisome facts about the world around you? brace yourself for the ride

  • Mushrooms are a tasty and edible variety of fungi. There are however, poisonous varieties of fungi which look exactly like mushrooms. So if you are looking forward to that mushroom masala curry for lunch, just remember that the people who separate the non poisonous variety from the poisonous have the same eye for differentiating between the two like you. So please go ahead and enjoy your lunch

  • So your brain likes to escape to your 'happy place' every Monday, which is usually an exotic vacation island somewhere? And if you are lucky enough, you might even make the trip sometime in your life. But please remember that there are approximately 6912 living languages in the world today (last count) and in how many of them can you say, "Take my wallet, but please don't kill me!"? And since you know how nasty human beings are, you better start now

  • OK, you have learned quite a few languages and have even managed to book your holiday to some exotic place in the middle east and best of all you have been invited by a real Sheik to dine in his tent in the middle of the desert. What is the downside? You might be served a whole roast camel (no idea how they taste like and camels are BIG!)

  • So you have managed to evade the roast camel dinner complaining of stomach ache, but how do you avoid all the leftovers for God knows how many days? (I don't have the data on that)

  • So you take pride in being the eldest in your family and the command you have over everyone? Think again, coz scientific studies have shown that the youngest sibling in the family will outlive everyone else. So if you are not the youngest one, sorry mate.

  • So you have worked your ass off for the entire year, without learning new languages and postponing that trip to the middle east? This will most likely ensure a hefty raise that year. But it might not be so good. The universe has a limited life expectancy and scientists can only guess when it is going to die. And what if the universe decides to go bust on the very day you receive your new paycheck?

  • OK, the universe doesn't go kaput and you have your new salary. With inflation and increasing interest rates, you will realize that the additional money isn't helping much. In most cases cash outflow will overtake cash inflow by around 10% (more on that figure in a later blog). This is the reason why although your earnings go up every year, your savings doesn't

  • You have managed to save money despite everything. Congratulations! But as the great Murphy once said, needy relatives/friends are in direct proportion to your savings. So it is back to square one for you (OK this is not Murphy, but my own law. but it does make sense no?)

  • Even if all the above worries don't work for you, you still have to go to the loo every morning don't you? The world's most poisonous variety of frogs, the Golden Poison Frog, is only 5 cms in length, small enough to slip into most drainage pipes. What if they have invaded your home drainage system and are waiting for you to sit on the loo to jump out and bite your you-know-what?? This is my biggest personal Monday worry.
What is the point I am trying to make? well, just want to say that life is not that bad and a day in a week shouldn't stop you from living for the moment.

Ohh.. and yea if you are still wondering about the title of this post, studies have shown that vehicle drivers have a lot of Monday blues/rage and you are most likely to be hit by a speeding car on a Monday. The last thing you want to happen at that time is to be seen in dirty old underwear with bullet holes under your outer designer wear. If you die, it is not so embarrassing, but if you survive you will have to live all your life with the image of all the cute nurses in the hospital going giggly over your dirty underwear. If you have friends who are doctors, just listen to their 'funny' stories and you will know what I am saying.


Jugal said...

Please donate fifty rupees for a new cause I just started after reading this article.

I'm sending CK tidy whites to Afghanistan, Chechnya and all war ridden countries. The poor people there need clean underwear more than food! They get injured and shot at more than they are hungry! So we have to save their self respect every time they enter hospital doors on a stretcher! Let's help them live with pride! Please send in your donation cheques (tax free).

Divya said...

Reminds me of an old song from 'Mera Naam Joker':
'Ek din bik jaayega, maati ke mol jag mein reh jaayege pyaare tere bol...
....dhaara jo behtee hain milke rehteen hain, behtee dhara ban jaa phir duniya se bol'

True, one should take life as it comes and live every moment without any expectations. Live on and Move on... :)

Ishika said...

Haha, nice one, Suk-sta.
Thanks, I'm sure this would most definately brighten up anyone's Monday.. instead of having to worry about getting out of bed, let's just worry about poisonous frogs and mushroom-look-a-likes and crashing and the universe going kaput. Which is all so much better. Hehe, enjoyed reading it. But I get what you're saying. Live life up. Don't worry, be happy.
Shaabaash, beta. ;D

DryWet said...

you sick little funny man!! :-P reminds me of this Sidney Sheldon potboiler I read many light years ago- The protagonist, a beautiful girl of 19, being perpetually worried of meeting with a fatal accident and being discovered a virgin at the post mortem table!! Talk of underwear and virginity flashes in my mind for some weird reason!

manasa said...

a li'l gross.. but a fun read!!