Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My 5 Most Challenging Problems Ever (..and their answers??)

There are questions and there are Questions.. I am sure you must have also been in a situation where you just stood back and wondered at a problem so interesting and challenging that it has the potential to change the course of nothing less than the Universe!

My problems however are more ordinary. So without further ado, lets hit the road..

#5. Dressed Chickens

Please correct me if I am wrong, but as per my understanding, the act of covering your naked body with a garment or otherwise is called "Dressing" and the act of taking off that very outer wear is called "Undressing". Unfortunately, it is not so in case of our poultry friends

If you go to a shop selling poultry and ask for a "Dressed Chicken", going by our definition above, you would expect a complete rooster in its full multi-colored plumage. But to your horror, you should expect to see something like the picture to your right. That's correct... in Poultrese, "Dressed" is equivalent to being "Undressed" of your fine feathers, your royal head with its proud crown being chopped off along with your dainty webbed feet.

"..but the memo said it was a formally 'dressed' board meeting"

#4. Is The Quality Of Home Food Going Down?

Countless homes all over the world have broken up for the simple reason that the wife can't cook as well as the mother-in-law. How many times have you witnessed your own father complaining "Mom used to cook the Butter Chicken so much better.." with your mother giving him a steely glare. And if you thought that your grandmother really cooked the best Butter Chicken in the world, you are sadly mistaken. What is scary is that your grandfather in a similar setting had said the same thing to her and your great-grandfather and everyone before that, to their respective spouses. Right back to Adam.

So does this mean that the standards of home food have been going down the ages? Possible.. but a more rationale explanation would be that your mother's cooking is soul food and will always taste better. Crap!! mom just cooks better. End of argument

Ohh.. and as for Adam, this comment ended his stay in Paradise. How? Try it on your wife. Your paradise will end.

"My wife make horrible food.. she killed by bear.. very nice.. I miss her cheese but"

#3. Why Do Dogs Pee On Car Tyres?

Dogs like to mark their territory by peeing on objects, trees, humans whatever... but when it comes to cars, they will always go for the tyres. This act is totally independent of the dog's breed, nationality or gender (however, males will lift their legs and females will hunch their rears). They could have gone for the car doors, hatch, grille or even the glass windows. But no! they will pee on the tyres. Why can't they pee on the areas which have been dirtied by bird poop? At least the liquid will clean away the poop. It is as if the birds and the dogs have an agreement on who gets to soil which parts of the car and share a secret laugh at you every time they poop or pee on your baby.

A smart friend has this theory that maybe because the tyres are the only part of the car which is in touch with the ground, dogs feel that they are the "roots" of the "object" and therefore is the ideal place to leave their mark.

"Shez mine yo! All you dawgs stay off her.."

4. Why Do Babies Pee When They Hear "Sssssss....hhhh"?

Babies have an insatiable need to feed and to poop. They come genetically pre-programmed to hunt down the nipples of the nearest human female and suck the life out of them literally. Also the ability to know exactly when its parents are sleeping so that it can destroy it, comes pre-programmed. But one thing that has not been studied perhaps in great detail is why do babies respond to the sound "Ssssss...hhh" by letting go of their bladders.

Again like dogs, this response goes beyond race, nationality or gender. A baby knows only one response to this sound.. Let it go baby!

Or I might be completely wrong and maybe it is the combination of the sound as well as the actions that are done to make the baby pee by its mother in the hope that it will not wet the bed in the night. But the babies are smart. They might let go a little when they hear the sound, but they save the best for the exact moment when their parents just enter deep sleep.

"Bringing you to the library was not a very good idea"

# 1. No Matter How Much / Hard You Shake, The Last Drop Always Wets Your Underwear

This might be strictly a male phenomenon, so if you ladies also experience the same, I would love to do more "research" on it

Guys, after they have pee-ed, shake their members to let loose the excess pee that might have accumulated on the foreskin or the last remnants of the original release by the bladder. Each guy has a different and distinctive style of executing this action but one fact that all of us have accepted as infallible is the rule "No matter... wets your underwear"

It is not that we haven't or don't try. I know guys who have gone to extremes to prove the rule wrong. They have spent countless hours researching the human anatomy for answers and solutions to this most unique problem that besiege the human male. They have tried various stirring and shaking methods, changed positions, experimented with frequency of the movements and have even stood still for hours hoping that it will dry up. But alas, when they thought they have finally won, that little drop comes out triumphantly and wets their underwear, almost as if someone up there is having a good laugh at the little joke he played in designing the human male urinary system!

"Sayz who?"