Friday, July 6, 2007

How Sukamal Pegu Got Chased, Got Bitten And Got 16 Injections - Part II

The story so far...

Having had some rather 'biting' experiences with the canine species early in life, I had started to get really careful around them and even started being friendly with a couple of them. Fate, it seems had other plans...

Episode III
Fast forward to the year 1988. Those were the times when the VHS tape was the rage and VCRs were the preferred source of entertainment for the entire family (and sometimes the entire mohallah). Our neighbors were the Hazarikas. Their eldest son was a year older to me and they had a dog called Babur (pronounced Babor in Assamese). Whoever gave him that name must have been a genius as it described the dog perfectly. Just like his Mughal namesake, our neighborhood Babur was a terror to everyone who walked past by within 15 meters of the Hazarika household and must have tasted the blood of at least 15 people. Luckily I was very friendly with Hazarika Junior and so there was an uneasy truce between Babur and me. But not for long

I had just watched my first Bruce Lee movie (Enter The Dragon) and like everyone else I thought he was a god. Whatever few karate chops I learned from the movie, I ran out to show Hazarika Junior. I started off with a basic hand chop, followed by an elbow jerk. Trouble started when I started doing the really complex kicks. Babur took this as a sign of hostility towards his master and did what any faithful canine would have done in his place. All my kung-fu sounds of Aaooo, Heuuuuu and Haaaii turned into one big painful AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Luckily only one shot this time, but they had to use acid to clean the huge gaping wound on my right thigh which was a little painful

Episode IV
I was in class 9 at that time. Like any other normal teenager, I had to rely on tutors to shove stuff down my throat and 'groom' me for my exams. I had tutors for almost all subjects (dumb kid I was/am you see). Some tutors used to come to our house and I had to go to the tutor's place in other cases. My math tuition timing was from 5-6 PM in the evening and it was that time of the year when dogs turn naughty and do stuff to each other. Kids remaining kids, when they see 2 dogs humping away to glory, they think that the dog on 'top' is hurting the one 'below' and try to 'chase' the dog on 'top' by pelting it with stones. I am sure you know that after the 'act' dogs remain joined at their naughty parts for some time (I am still not sure why). So what happened was that I was walking back from my tuitions and I guess some kids must have pelted this particular pair whom I could see was still 'joined'. As I neared the couple, call it bad luck or whatever, they became 'un-joined' and since I was the only person there at that time, I guess I don't really need to say what followed next. So please please explain to your kids about the birds and the bees, least innocent people like me get hurt.

Episode V
This one is really hilarious and it's a little hard to believe and trust me, even I find it a little hard to believe that it actually happened. I was in my 2nd year of college and I had just come back home for summer vacations. My mahi (mom's younger sister) lives just 2 blocks away from our house and I was invited over for lunch. Menu was my favorite pork cooked in Naga style. It was hot at that time and so I was in my flimsy shorts. On entering their hall, I saw the latest edition of the Rock Street Journal and picking it up, I slumped on the couch near me. Suddenly I could feel a needle go in my ass. Ouch! I get up and what do i see? A small puppy whose teeth just sank into the soft tissues of my ass! It seems they had recently bought a nice little Pomerian puppy whose white fur perfectly blended with the white color of the couch. Damn! Not again and definitely not in this fashion.

Now comes the really scary part. You must have noticed that the most entertaining films are either a trilogy or a double trilogy, like Star Wars, The Matrix, Lord of The Rings,Rocky, Rambo etc. and the second thing to note here is that my saga with our canine friends have resulted in five entertaining episodes so far. So if you go by Hollywood logic, the last one is yet to come. How, where and when is a mystery but I have learned to accept my fate here and I silently wait for my impending doom

But yea, life is not all that unfair. I got back at our canine friends when I ate dog meat some time back. Before you peta people sue me, in my defense, it was totally unintentional and was a result of another hilarious episode. But more on that later..


Corny name said...

Man, I think it's going to happen.

Can't be hollywood logic!
Hilarious stuff...

Anonymous said...

Hmmmmm.....five hickies so far..not bad at all!!!

Divya said...

...hahaha...This is really hilarious...Looks like dogs have opened entertaining (for us) and painful (for you) chapters in your life. Nevertheless, I hope you don't come across another doggy biting episode.

DryWet said...

you are just the funniest human I know (apart from dogs who are very funny creatures) :-P

Offender said...

peguDa u are the bees knees..!!! I got stomach cramps after reading this..

from now onwards every time I see a dog.. it will remind me of you or what it did to you..



Varun said...

:)..the immortal returns! in bbay sire! damn nice post as usual!


soumya mukerji said...

lol... :P

Anonymous said...

thanks for the accompanying visuals...otherwise we might have missed the point:)

Vivek said...

PeguDa, I've all my sympathies with you and unlike any trilogy, this time I am not waiting for the probable last episode.

I'll ask you a question, if I may, when you look back which one you consider as most exciting episode. If I were to choose, I would say the second one. And I think that your mamma would have had one hell of laugh after that incident, later at night.

Still rotf!

trashhead said...

hahah.. yea man, even I don't want a repeat :)

If i had to pick one, I would pick the Babur episode. It is still hilarious when I look back at it.

Btw Vivek, which one are you? little confused on that one :)

Beni Pegu said...

LMAO... Doggie man :D
I got bitten once too. While visiting folks in dolung, and guess what they applied as an antidote?? Chicken shit!! And no injections of any sort... LMAOOOO... Good news is that it was almost 18 years ago, and I haven't got rabies yet! I'll live.

Anonymous said...

ha ha ha...I cant believe these stories are true especially the Babor one and the last one... almost wishing there was more... but no wont wish you another bite!!