Saturday, July 12, 2008

Tips For A Successful Underwear Management


For most guys, specially the college going ones, one of the chief worries in life is how to derive the maximum mileage from their underwear without having to clean them. Prior to college, mom would have taken care of the laundry and post college, sex (or the desire to have sex) with girlfriends and wives will force them to wash their underwear rather frequently.

The same problem is faced by frequent fliers and people with jobs which require them to be on the road a lot. Either you can carry with you a separate bag full of clean underwear, purchase new stock at the nearest convenient stores or wash them on the go. This is all fine, but they present a new set of challenges. A bag full of underwear can get u arrested as an "underwear thief" suspect or worse.. a sexual pervert at the airport. Constant purchases of underwear will not be feasible until the time your company starts reimbursing them under the head "Travel Hygiene". Washing on the go is a big pain and it gets worse if they don't dry by the time you are ready to go. Wet underwear will ensure you get fungal infection and you can pretty much look forward to a "scratching session" while making that presentation to that client of yours.

The challenge for a successful strategy to get the maximum mileage out of a pair of underwear was put forward by a cousin of mine who recently started a micro-insurance company which required him to travel to villages for weeks at a go, without requiring him to do anything of the above options. Another smart cousin of mine came up with a four pronged solution to make a pair of boxers last a minimum of four days without feeling "overtly unclean".

Day 1 (The Straight Dude):
Wear your clean pair boxers the normal way. Make sure that you have applied your anti-perspirant and a dab of anti-fungal dusting powder on your privates. Take extra care not to dirty it much, especially after peeing or using the loo. Also take extreme care not to engage in extreme physical exertions so as to prevent your pubic area from sweating profusely. If you have to engage in sports, then go commando (without underwear).

Before retiring for the night, iron (if possible) boxers and hang in an airy place.

Day 2 (Revolving Reverse):
Remove boxers from hanger and put them on backside front. It means that on the second day, the back of your boxers will face the front. Repeat all precautions from the first day with one more addition. From the second day onwards, before getting physically intimate with your partner, remember to remove your underwear before the romp or at least turn off the lights during foreplay (if you like to keep them on).

Repeat ironing and airing exercise.

Day 3 (The Inside Outsiders):
This is the most crucial day and if you manage a incident free third day, you have almost made it home. On this day, you wear your boxers the normal way, except that you will have to wear it inside out. Now you understand the importance of ironing and airing them every night. Chances are that a little stink will emanate from your underwear (at least for the newbies). You will now have to resort to a good deodorant. You are also advised to restrict all your sexual romps to the bathroom, while bathing and showering

Repeat ironing and airing exercise.

Day 4 (Revolving Reverse II)
The last day. Extra anti-perspirant, anti-fungal dusting powder and deodorant recommended. Wear your inside out boxers reverse side (from the third day). Repeat all standard precautions. This is by far the longest day of the experiment and also the most uncomfortable. Stay away from sex that night and spend that time in the shower instead.

Put boxers in an airtight zipper pouch and send to laundry

Disclaimer: This is an experimental procedure yet to clear regulations. So if you decide to follow it, please do it at your own risk and don't sue us.

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2 comments:

Karthick Gopal said...

This is your cousin. What about you? Plus how costly is it to get 7 underwears and wash them you dirty gai.

Somebody gonna get a real smell..

(great post on a sunday evening btw lol)

Jugal said...

DAY 5
Now that you have rendered your underwear useless in every way possible and wearing it on this Friday will make it impossible for your genitals to survive and sustain themselves BUT you still have a Friday to go before you can embark upon your CWEQ (Commando WeekEnd Quest pronounced as Weck, C is silent) -- Microwave the boxerbitch! Keep it at thaw mode for 10 seconds first, if your boxers survive those ten seconds, put them in for 20 seconds. And then repeat procedure once more. Then? Then you have underwear for Friday and the microwave is free for yesterday's breakfast to be reheated!

DAY 6 & 7
CWEQ: Two words, Go Command!